he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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