I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize