so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
