I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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