ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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