he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
