he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
