You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
