I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
