I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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