she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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