you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
