i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
