He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
