thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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