Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
