I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
