Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
