i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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