Whod you bang
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
