You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
