these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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