UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
