There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
