and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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