i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
