There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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