mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
