I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
