Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
