I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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