Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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