just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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