i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
