Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
