Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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