i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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