If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
