Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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