I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
