How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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