You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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