i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Randomize
