You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just had sex on a roof
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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