GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
