the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
