We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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