Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
