I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
