You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
